open your eyes.

As you know, things lately have been really shitty. And just now, I thought about something I should have thought about quite some time ago. Everytime my friends go through things like this, I give the the best advice I possibly can. Advice about how things will get better, no matter how shitty they are right now & how it can't last forever etc etc. Well, I sit here everyday, miserable in my room. I'm realizing that yes, it is difficult to make this situation a positive thing, but I'm just doing this to myself. Why do I sit here and intentionally be miserable? Continue to think about what is hurting me so bad. All the advice I give to people, I really should be taking for myself. Things like, the fact that if I look at things so negative, that's how its going to be. And that I am a strong person that can get through this mess, it can't last forever, shit happens that you just have to push through. Right now, all this advice seems like I'm speaking of things that are impossible but I know its true. I've been avoiding it, because all i want to do is be miserable and I have no idea why. I'm not even trying to be happy. I know its understanable to be really hurt about the situation I'm in, but honestly, I don't think I'm even trying to make it better. So I think its time that I change that. Being miserable is getting me nowhere. I think once I get moved into the upstairs bedroom, things will be a little better, I'll have more space from Keatin. Its kind of bitter-sweet in a way. I know it'll be good for me to get up there but at the same time, I have fun hanging out in the basement with Keat. I don't know why its even that big of a deal, we still live in the same house. But he's a caveman so yeah. Anyways, a little off topic. Point being, I've just thought about how I give people this advice to be strong and stuff but yet I can't do it myself. Or maybe its just much easier said than done. Either way, things need to be different. Going back to school will help, I'll meet new people, hang out with my friends, get my mind off all this shit. Give me time to myself. Also, I plan on going to spend time with my mom for a weekend or something very soon. I really need it. I've kind of attached myself to her through all of this, which I think is okay. Its really hard not having her here through bullshit. But anyways, yeah. I'll go see her soon. I wish I could go for a week but I'd be missing school. Maybe I can go during reading week or something. I don't know lol. I'm getting way off topic. My point is, I need to take my own advice. I need to realize that I don't give myself enough credit, and I am a strong person. Things will get better. I hope.

-Kelso.