Hey guys. So I haven't really written anything in a while since I've been insanely busy with working and going to school. So I'll just randomly talk right now. I wrote my midterm yesterday, got 40/42, so im pretty pumped about that. I'm going to Chatham on sunday to see my mom and Darren for thanksgiving, so that's exciting too haha. Not a lot has been going on besides working and stressing about school ahah. Well I guess there has been but I really shouldn't talk about it on this. I'll touch on it. haha. I'm just really glad I have such amazing friends, I've realized that lately. How many people are there for me. My uncle is in the hospital.. apparently it isn't good.. so I don't know what is going to happen with that.. I can't even imagine what would happen if that ended badly. Oh jeez I'm getting myself upset. Moving on. I miss my family, my whole family. So muucchh. Ugh. What else am I even able to tell you.. Just dealing with a lot of difficult stuff right now.. but I gotta keep going. No matter how tough. I'll be stronger because of all of this, I know it. Or at least I hope so, I don't want this to be for nothing. Though I know that won't happen. Anyways, back to what I was saying. I guess I don't really know what to say. But there is something I'd like to talk about. So here goes.
So maybe I'm just crazy.. but right now I'm listening to music with my headphones in my room. Generally I'm having a shitty day.. and right now just isn't great. I want to go to bed.. but I'm scared to take my headphones off. Am I crazy? Has anybody ever felt like this? Probably not.. I'm afraid of the silence.. I'm afraid to leave myself alone with my thoughts. I don't want what I've been feeling all night to come back as soon as I turn my music off. So I'm sitting here, exhausted and not letting myself go to bed because I'm afraid. Of something as stupid as taking my headphones off. I wish my iPod wasn't dead. Then I could just go to sleep with them in. Honestly, does anybody know what I'm talking about? Right now I feel so dumb. But I'm seriously afraid. Maybe because of all the shit that I've been going through. I just don't want to feel shitty anymore. And I know that as soon as I go to bed, I'll feel that way. I won't be able to stop myself from thinking about everything thats hurting me. That scares me. I need something good to think about.. to keep my mind from thinking about the bad shit. Any ideas? I doubt it. its almost midnight. But anyways..
That's all. Still alive. Still functioning (for now).
-Kelso.
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