idiot.

Things are so retardedly stupid right now. Why are what I want and what I need NEVER the same thing? Its so hard to let go of someone you care SO much about. I'm just so very tired of shit just not working out. This week has probably been the SHITTIEST week ever. Arguments, tears, anger, injury, no sleep, not eating etc etc. Awesome. Why are people so afraid to take a chance? I give up. Everything I'm trying for is just hurting me and causing trouble and really I'm just so sick of bullshit. I'm tired of people lying to me and treating me like shit. I don't get it, one minute its awesome and everything seems like its coming together and the next minute its the complete opposite. WHY. WHHYYYYY.  Like, fuck. Seriously. I'm wasting my time. Time to move on. On a mildly related note, I feel like I'm going through the same bullshit I went through a few years ago. I don't understand how its confusing why I'm so unhappy about the situation. How do you not get it? Really like are you stupid? We're supposed to be close.. and for the last couple months haven't been talking a lot. Now that you've told me your "news" you're trying to talk to me all the time because you know I'm not happy & I said you never talk to me. Like why do you even bother? I guess in reality I don't really have a reason to be mad or even upset but I can't help it. I'm just a big huge ball of fucking emotion right now and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm tired of being alone and having not ONE person that fucking cares. I know I'm being dramatic I have a lot of friends that care but still, I don't mean in that manner. I'm rambling and none of this really makes a whole lot of sense. My brain is just kind of vomiting into this blog post right now. 

Okay, I'm getting way too worked up for my own good. Now that I've kind of calmed down, Its a good thing to move on right now. Things aren't as awful as I ranted about but its still very frustrating and upsetting. Things are okay actually. But like.. I really don't understand myself when it comes to my emotions. I make no sense. I mean, as soon as someone pays attention to me its like BAM I like you. What? WHY. I don't get it. I think I just really want someone in my life and I'm looking for it in ALL the wrong places. All I really need is amazing friends (which I have) and to stop being a FUCKING IDIOT. Just worry about yourself for once jesus. 

So the other day I was doing dishes, washing the inside of a glass cup and it broke as i was turning my hand inside of it. Well, it sliced into the side of my finger leaving a big gaping flap. COOOOOOL. There was blood all over the place. The kitchen sink, the cupboard, the bathroom floor, a  trail from the kitchen to the bathroom, the bathroom sink had blood all over it & had a bunch of blood soaked toilet paper. Point being, I've never bled so much. Blech. Anyways, so my roommate cleaned my finger up for me and what not, I couldn't look at it. It was gross and I was freaking out haha. My roommates girlfriend took me to emergency and after 4 hours I walked out with 6 stitches. It is very sore right now and I keep flippin hitting it on shit god damn. I also can't do fuck all at work since I can't grab anything its retarded. But anyways, that was my big injury.

That's all for now.

-Kels.

blank.

Sometimes I think I made a huge mistake... 

even the best fall down sometimes.

Well, everything I thought I was so sure of is gone. Not to sound so negative, I don't necessarily mean that in a bad way. Life has a way of throwing things at us that we don't expect, some of which, insanely hard to deal with. I feel like my life is constantly flipping around and it is kinda hard to deal with sometimes. Not everything ends up the way we thought it would or the way that we hoped it would. These last few years have been the most amazing years of my life. Even though I've gone through some pretty difficult things in the last few years, they have been such indescribably incredible years and I've learned SO much not only about myself, but about life and just people in general. I've met such amazing people, who I am happy to call my best friends and pretty much family. I've developed such amazing relationships that I am insanely grateful for & as hard and difficult as some things have been, they make it so much easier just by being around. I can't even describe my love for these people, you have no idea. When I first moved here, I was going through such a hard time and did not expect to meet such amazing people let alone end up making such great friends. I just feel like it is important to let you know how incredible these people are. I guess one of the points of me telling you this is that even though life can throw you such difficult things to experience, you can only use it as a learning experience. I am so grateful for everything that happened because it led me here and to meeting my best friends. I've learned so much in these last few years its ridiculous. Ah, like, I don't even know how to put the rest of my thoughts into words right now. Life is so amazing I can't even begin to talk about what I'm thinking. It's just so crazy seeing the journey we go through in life. I don't know, this might be really cheesy or weird to talk about but I'm serious haha. I've gotten to a place where I've discovered so many things about myself, I feel like... hmm.. I don't know how to put this. I feel like I'm so close to completely knowing who I am. Though there are always new things to learn about ourselves of course. I am grateful for all the friends that have come and gone, the ones that have stayed and the experiences I have had. It's insane looking back on everything and realizing how much each and every person or experience has changed and influenced me. I know I've just gone in circles, repeating myself and telling you how grateful i am and how awesome these people are haha. For that I am sorry. I seriously can't stress it enough though. 


Right now I am so very happy. I've realized lately how much I enjoy being single. Not because it means I can do whatever I want and be crazy lol I mean it as I enjoy being independent and not having to answer to someone. I mean I would like to have a relationship but I feel like I'm at a point in my life where I just need to do things for me, things I enjoy and want to do, ya know? Unless I find someone that changes that opinion haha. But seriously, soon my roommates and I are moving into a new place which I am SO pumped for. I'm so excited to move and be somewhere new, specially with them its just going to be so great. 


A few things:


1. Fuck people that hate on you. Not worth your time. Move on and ignore it.
2. Don't be afraid to take chances. I'm learning how important it is. 
3. Enjoy your life. Experience as many things as you possibly can.
4. Never, ever settle for something that doesn't make you happy. No matter what the case may be.
5. I just love everyone in my life right now. haha. 


Anyways, thanks for listening to my little rant about life and my roommates haha I hope I didn't bore you to death. 


-Kels

well, its been a while!

Well, hello! Its been quite a while! haha. SO. Since last post, a few things have happened (probably more than i can remember to talk about but here's a few things). So first, my birthday went by in February! I turned 22. I will graciously accept your late happy birthdays haha thank you thank you. So that was fun; a lot of my old friends came which was nice & also my cousin! Shortly after, at the beginning of March, Keaton and I got back together. :) So far its great. He loves me. I love him. He's the one for me I think. Even though he drives me crazy and some days I just want to punch him, I love him to death haha. What man doesn't drive a woman crazy right? So we've been together for almost 2 months now. What next.. hmm.. well, there was St.Patty's day haha. That was a blast of course. My roommates and I had a couch in the back of Trev's truck and just sat there allllll day in the sun. It was awesome haha. Around 8:30 I went to see my cousin & our friends and that was fun too! kicked a ball around and chilled for a bit :) I love hanging out with them they're always a good time. So easy going and awesome. I went to my mom's for easter. Took the train, always fun. Had a bomb dinner (i love my food) and played an insane amount of card games (or GAME rather, as per usual). It was a nice weekend! We went up to the roof of their apartment and took some photos, went to the dog park... it was just nice to get out of town and visit my mom and Darren :) Hmm.. Well, my brother's birthday was on the 24th (4 days ago) so i made all of my statuses about him lol My grandma's birthday is in 2 days so today we had a family potluck for her birthday which was AWESOME! I love hanging out with my family so much. Seriously, so much. So yesterday i had a long work day and then went to the grocery store to get ingredients for a dessert i made then came home to make the dessert, do laundry and then pass out haha. Today my mom and Darren picked me up & we went to get Rob & Erica. We hit Sobey's so i could pick up grandma some flowers and headed to Poplar Hill :) My aunt lives in the country which is awesome. I love her place. My cousin drove around on the lawn mower for what seemed like hours haha. We had a lot of delicious food, good laughs and a lot of fun :) I love seeing them. So that brings us to today! Tomorrow I'm going to see my dad for a bit, maybe go get something to eat. I dunno. Then on monday I get to hang out with Keat and on tuesday we are going to get his tattoo done! sooo excited. OH MAN. haha. Here are some things I am going to rant about for a sec:

1) I am grateful to have the people i have in my life. My family is amazing, my boyfriend loves me and my friends are the best friends in the world. These people make me ridiculously happy. Thank you for everything you do for me I love you :)

2) dear person i dont like: you are a BITCH. You were never a good friend. Always blamed me for things. You're selfish and rude. Self centred & everything was always about you. I'm glad I'll never see you again. You can suck it. Thank you for wasting my time and energy. At least I now know what to look out for. Good thing I have real friends that are nothing like you. Peace bitch i hope I never see you again. I don't know how people like you. I really dont. So fake. Here's a big middle finger for you.

Sorry about the bitchy part. Its been bothering me and I needed to bitch about it.

ANYWAYS Thanks for reading! I had an amazing day and I'll try to post more often! :):)

- Kels!

time for change.

I'm really frustrated and upset tonight. I'm not going to go into detail with it but to sum it up, I wish people appreciated the things I do for them. I really need to get away from Fanshawe House for a bit. I need my best friends. Dear Amanda & Allie, please come to me. Seriously I just want to see you right now. Also, my mom. I just need away. Right now. My birthday is coming up next month & right now I don't even want a party. All I want is to go to lasertag with my work friends, have cake, see my mom and hang out with allie & manda. I don't even care anymore I'm in such a miserable mood right now ugh. I wish I could drive and just go away for a bit.. On a side note, I want to move out. I don't know if I want to stay in London. Right now, I'm debating if I want to move to Peterborough. I kind of want to go to school at Trent because its badass there haha I'm getting kind of sick of London, I think. I need new people & a new place. I think I'm like my dad with the whole "i want to move" thing (random I know). He lives in a new place every year or two and I think I'm starting to be like that.. I'm over this house. I need something different. I want to pack and unpack in a different place. I don't know. I feel like everything is routine here. I know everything about London, its monotonous. I have nothing to explore & its frustrating. I seriously just want out of here.. not that i don't like the people, I'm just sick of it.. I want my own place & life. I feel stuck in routine right now. I dont know, I guess we'll see what happens. But as for right now, I am going to go do nothing some more. Thanks for reading :)

-Kelso