Things are so retardedly stupid right now. Why are what I want and what I need NEVER the same thing? Its so hard to let go of someone you care SO much about. I'm just so very tired of shit just not working out. This week has probably been the SHITTIEST week ever. Arguments, tears, anger, injury, no sleep, not eating etc etc. Awesome. Why are people so afraid to take a chance? I give up. Everything I'm trying for is just hurting me and causing trouble and really I'm just so sick of bullshit. I'm tired of people lying to me and treating me like shit. I don't get it, one minute its awesome and everything seems like its coming together and the next minute its the complete opposite. WHY. WHHYYYYY. Like, fuck. Seriously. I'm wasting my time. Time to move on. On a mildly related note, I feel like I'm going through the same bullshit I went through a few years ago. I don't understand how its confusing why I'm so unhappy about the situation. How do you not get it? Really like are you stupid? We're supposed to be close.. and for the last couple months haven't been talking a lot. Now that you've told me your "news" you're trying to talk to me all the time because you know I'm not happy & I said you never talk to me. Like why do you even bother? I guess in reality I don't really have a reason to be mad or even upset but I can't help it. I'm just a big huge ball of fucking emotion right now and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm tired of being alone and having not ONE person that fucking cares. I know I'm being dramatic I have a lot of friends that care but still, I don't mean in that manner. I'm rambling and none of this really makes a whole lot of sense. My brain is just kind of vomiting into this blog post right now.
Okay, I'm getting way too worked up for my own good. Now that I've kind of calmed down, Its a good thing to move on right now. Things aren't as awful as I ranted about but its still very frustrating and upsetting. Things are okay actually. But like.. I really don't understand myself when it comes to my emotions. I make no sense. I mean, as soon as someone pays attention to me its like BAM I like you. What? WHY. I don't get it. I think I just really want someone in my life and I'm looking for it in ALL the wrong places. All I really need is amazing friends (which I have) and to stop being a FUCKING IDIOT. Just worry about yourself for once jesus.
So the other day I was doing dishes, washing the inside of a glass cup and it broke as i was turning my hand inside of it. Well, it sliced into the side of my finger leaving a big gaping flap. COOOOOOL. There was blood all over the place. The kitchen sink, the cupboard, the bathroom floor, a trail from the kitchen to the bathroom, the bathroom sink had blood all over it & had a bunch of blood soaked toilet paper. Point being, I've never bled so much. Blech. Anyways, so my roommate cleaned my finger up for me and what not, I couldn't look at it. It was gross and I was freaking out haha. My roommates girlfriend took me to emergency and after 4 hours I walked out with 6 stitches. It is very sore right now and I keep flippin hitting it on shit god damn. I also can't do fuck all at work since I can't grab anything its retarded. But anyways, that was my big injury.
That's all for now.
-Kels.
